It seems like once I reached that milestone of turning 40, I began putting a great deal more thought into "life." I have spent hour after hour focusing on the things I have (and have not) done in the past 40 years. Dealing with heartache, disappointment, fear; even joy, happiness and surprise...all the emotions that make us human. Naturally, I was eventually led to the question---"why am I here?" I started down that dead end road with empty answers that only leads to more "whys." Why did that happen to me? Why did I do this or that? What I began to realize is the "whys" were pretty irrelevant. WHY, after all, changes nothing. It only serves to justify a reason for. "Why did he/she treat me that way?" Maybe they just didn't like you, maybe they were jealous or maybe I was a jerk and deserved it! Maybe ,maybe maybe. It started to become clear that I needed to focus much less on "why" and much more on "HOW ." One can not change another, their past actions or choices.What one can do is change their self, their actions or responses to produce a much more desired result. One could continually ask why someone does not like them..but would it not make more sense to ask, how can I change this? "How" allows for us to change our current circumstances.It initiates action.
So just why am I here? it doesn't matter ( in my opinion anyway), what really matters is HOW I choose to live my life. How can I be a better person? how can I do all the things I want to do? I suppose it comes down to choices. How will taking road "A" affect me as opposed to alternate route "B." Choosing how to do something, which course to take, seems to me; a much more productive avenue than allowing all the whys to occupy space in my head. I believe the only thing in life that a person does not have a choice in..is the consequences for their choices. At this point, for me, I make the choice to strive to be the best person I am capable of being. The more I focus on how I am going to achieve this, the less I begin to care about all those "whys" from the past. The thoughts of a failed relationship or a lost job,missed opportunity...they just don't matter. I have an entire future to concentrate on. When I know how do things that better myself, like this blog ( for example), I know how to be a better friend, partner,brother and son. I no longer need to question, "why."
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2 comments:
May I wish you a 'Happy Birthday, Keith'
When I hit the big 4.0 I set myself a challenge of overcoming the one thing that has held me back in life, kept me in deadend jobs and made me ashamed of myself.
I learnt how to write English grammar, how to spell and not forgetting, how to use punctation properly, which I guess I've not quite mastered yet.
All this I taught myself from books. It's taken me nearly ten years but I've had five articles published( three, I've been paid for) a children book (so far unpublished) twenty short stories which a main-stream magazine keeps asking me to send in more of my stories to, but so far not published one yet( keep following my blog for updates) and my adult novel, which started out at 129k word count, but I have cut down 95k on the advice given to me by a publisher who has shown an interest in my novel.
Why not set yourself a challenge to and see how much you can change your outlook on life.
A whole new world has opened up to me, which I have always felt like an outsider looking in before. Blogging has help me to meet like minded people who enjoy writing and sharing their thoughts and ideas.
My very best wishes on your special day, Keith.
Annie.
p.s I've answered your question on my blog.
Thinking 'how' instead of why puts you back in control. I like that. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I've taken something positive from them to add to my own.
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